Decisions Decisions...
Well, even though I really hate having to make them, I have made some decisions.
I definitely want to go to Vanderbilt for college. I feel like its the right school for me, so everyone please be praying I get in. I'm still not sure what I want to major in, but I'll figure it out eventually.
I will not take anyones crap from now on. Look, I am who I am. No, I am not a lesbian. No, I do not look like a guy. Yes, I am weird, crazy, and a nerd. If you have a problem then deal with it.
I am so over all the drama. Do not bring that crap around me anymore.
I always seem to be having guy trouble, and I'm still having it now. I've definitely made a decision about it too, but it's complicated.
I am tired of coming home after a crappy day just to hear that my mom has created something else to blame me for. For example, she locked the door as she went out. I stayed in the chair the whole time, but when she came back and was locked out she decided that I had got up and locked her out. She chewed me out. Ridiculous.
I am going to Romania at some point. I will live there, start over, and be happy(hopefully).
Gosh, life is sooo complicated. I keep praying for answers, and the answers I'm getting are very clear. But I don't want to tell someone what they are. But if I did this would all be so much simpler....haha that makes sense to me, but I doubt it will to anyone else...oh well.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Love?
I don't understand how some girls "fall in love" so easily.
On saturday they start dating someone new, and by sunday night they are "in love" with that guy. It's ridiculous. Then the next week they break up and find another guy, and are officially "in love" again. I just don't get it. Real love doesn't form over night. It takes time and really getting to know that person. And it is not something you forget when the next guy comes along.
On saturday they start dating someone new, and by sunday night they are "in love" with that guy. It's ridiculous. Then the next week they break up and find another guy, and are officially "in love" again. I just don't get it. Real love doesn't form over night. It takes time and really getting to know that person. And it is not something you forget when the next guy comes along.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Remember Me
Even now as she gives him little hints he pretends not to care. If only she could see into his mind and know why he's doing this and what he really thinks of her. She used to call him an open book, but now he's so guarded around her. She hates it. Hates herself, because its all her fault that he doesn't remember her.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
FML
Saturday at the competition a guy from another band kept calling me a guy until someone told him I'm not. That sucks. How do I look like a guy? I did not think I looked that awful, but I guess so... Whats even suckier is that two of my friends were sitting right there and said nothing. Well actually they cracked up. They laughed so hard they cried. I cried too.
But you know what always makes things better?
But you know what always makes things better?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
All this time
Well, I officially have two new favorite artists: Imogen Heap and Bon Iver. Best music ever. Especially hide and seek by imogen heap, which you need to listen to because its on my playlist on here. I've realized I like indie music better than just about anything else. If you've never really heard it, then get on pandora and make a bon iver station. You'll hear some really beautiful moving artists.
Anyways, I haven't posted in forever, so I might as well. I don't really know what to say. Life is very confusing right now. I have no clue what university to attend, what career to pursue, or even what church to go to...I'm just praying that God will guide me there, and soon.
I don't really want to make this post entirely about guys, because that's what my last few have been about. But I'm going to say a little about them anyways because I need to. In case you didn't know since my last post, Dalton and I broke up forever ago....Now I'm single again and extremely confused. A guy that I've liked forever has finally started to show interest, but something else has come up. I have no idea how to proceed. I've been praying for signs and I'm getting them but they're confusing me. The meaning is pretty clear, but I'm just like really? That can't be because..no way. But they just keep on coming. ugh...
You really have to listen to this song(hide and seek) because honestly its beautiful and almost breathtaking.
I don't usually wait for any certain guy, except for the obvious one, but I've realized that I sort of am now and I have no idea why. He doesn't seem interested whatsoever but I can't seem to get him out of my head. It's got to the point that even when I'm around the one I've waited on for years I'm still thinking of the other. That's how I realized I'm kind of waiting. I really shouldn't be though. Just going to end with more pain that I'll have to put away with all the rest.
I just don't get life sometimes.
Mom and I still don't get along, and it seems to be getting worse. Now she'll scream at me for random things and then refuse to talk to me or even acknowledge my presence. Oh well.
Anyways, I haven't posted in forever, so I might as well. I don't really know what to say. Life is very confusing right now. I have no clue what university to attend, what career to pursue, or even what church to go to...I'm just praying that God will guide me there, and soon.
I don't really want to make this post entirely about guys, because that's what my last few have been about. But I'm going to say a little about them anyways because I need to. In case you didn't know since my last post, Dalton and I broke up forever ago....Now I'm single again and extremely confused. A guy that I've liked forever has finally started to show interest, but something else has come up. I have no idea how to proceed. I've been praying for signs and I'm getting them but they're confusing me. The meaning is pretty clear, but I'm just like really? That can't be because..no way. But they just keep on coming. ugh...
You really have to listen to this song(hide and seek) because honestly its beautiful and almost breathtaking.
I don't usually wait for any certain guy, except for the obvious one, but I've realized that I sort of am now and I have no idea why. He doesn't seem interested whatsoever but I can't seem to get him out of my head. It's got to the point that even when I'm around the one I've waited on for years I'm still thinking of the other. That's how I realized I'm kind of waiting. I really shouldn't be though. Just going to end with more pain that I'll have to put away with all the rest.
I just don't get life sometimes.
Mom and I still don't get along, and it seems to be getting worse. Now she'll scream at me for random things and then refuse to talk to me or even acknowledge my presence. Oh well.
I've also recently realized how much I regret certain choices I've made.
Some I'd really like to take back.
But that is life.
Monday, July 19, 2010
The fall of my summer
So, I haven't posted anything in a while because my computer is gay and wouldn't let me.lol...but anyways, a lot has happened...
Well I went to the beach with Ariel and we had an absolute blast. It was totally amazing. We went with her dad, his wife deon, her kids, and these people they know who brought their two grandsons: Dalton and Cody. Well, I thought Dalton was cute from the very start, just very shy.lol. So we started playin around a lot and just having a blast, and once we got home we decided to stay in touch and take it to the next step: a relationship....Well, on the beach trip I had an amazing time with him, but now I stay pretty confused because sometimes he acts like he doesn't really want to hang out with me. I just don't get why....Then again other times he's totally different...idk...maybe I'm just being paranoid...Just wish we could spend more time together...So the beach was one of the best weeks of my life. You know one of those times you wish could last forever, but it didn't. Now I'm back here in the sucky reality that is my life.
Mom hasn't changed a bit. From the moment I got home she gave me a hard time. I never do anything right or good enough for her. I'm just worthless and good-for-nothing. Now she's starting to act like she just doesn't care what I do in general. I don't really get grounded anymore, I go places and she doesn't even ask where...The only recent sign I've had that she cares was the other day when she accused me of being pregnant; which is pretty impossible....The people at work don't help much.They're always yelling at us for things we didn't do, or describing how what we did isn't good enough...Plus band camp is coming up which is just stressful to think about, and senior year of course...I still have no idea what to do afterwards....I'm about to be an adult, and I have no idea what kind of adult I want to be. wow that sounds pathetic........ugh.....And my only escape is a person who's always so distant, I wonder if he ever really hears what I'm saying to him......
Well I went to the beach with Ariel and we had an absolute blast. It was totally amazing. We went with her dad, his wife deon, her kids, and these people they know who brought their two grandsons: Dalton and Cody. Well, I thought Dalton was cute from the very start, just very shy.lol. So we started playin around a lot and just having a blast, and once we got home we decided to stay in touch and take it to the next step: a relationship....Well, on the beach trip I had an amazing time with him, but now I stay pretty confused because sometimes he acts like he doesn't really want to hang out with me. I just don't get why....Then again other times he's totally different...idk...maybe I'm just being paranoid...Just wish we could spend more time together...So the beach was one of the best weeks of my life. You know one of those times you wish could last forever, but it didn't. Now I'm back here in the sucky reality that is my life.
Mom hasn't changed a bit. From the moment I got home she gave me a hard time. I never do anything right or good enough for her. I'm just worthless and good-for-nothing. Now she's starting to act like she just doesn't care what I do in general. I don't really get grounded anymore, I go places and she doesn't even ask where...The only recent sign I've had that she cares was the other day when she accused me of being pregnant; which is pretty impossible....The people at work don't help much.They're always yelling at us for things we didn't do, or describing how what we did isn't good enough...Plus band camp is coming up which is just stressful to think about, and senior year of course...I still have no idea what to do afterwards....I'm about to be an adult, and I have no idea what kind of adult I want to be. wow that sounds pathetic........ugh.....And my only escape is a person who's always so distant, I wonder if he ever really hears what I'm saying to him......
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sweeney Todd!!!!!!!
Yay!!! I found a great Sweeney Todd website.lol....
http://www.sweeneytoddmovie.com/
http://www.sweeneytoddmovie.com/
Monday, March 1, 2010
Romeo?
....hmm....Have you ever just sat and listened to a song. I mean like with no distractions and nothing else going on...just listened and thought. I haven't done that in a long time and today I have...Its made me think about a lot of things in my life. Don't laugh either because I know its cheesy but I'm listening to Secondhand Serenade. He's actually a lot better than one would think. His songs have actually hit a lot deeper than I could have ever thought...They make me think about all the things I wish I had , the things I wish I'd done, and the guy I wish I could find...You see, I've always dreamed of finding this perfectly amazing guy and never settling for anything less. It made me feel better and reassured me that I will when my friends didn't have anyone either, but now they've pretty much found those guys. It kind of sucks. Now I feel like even more of a loser/loner than ever.Yes I know it sounds dumb because I'm only 16 but it makes me a little sad . Sort of like we're at the prom and I'm the one left standing against the wall thats not good enough to be asked to dance and they're all out twirling around the floor with the guys of their dreams.....
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Grrr....
well well well....My life has become a dull parade of nothingness...It feels as though I'm running in circles or walking through a maze with no escape.....so many choices are being thrown at me so rapidly that I have no time to even think about them, much less decide what direction to take...College? Career? Church? Home? ..... Its becoming overwhelming....I keep praying for the answers that I probably already know yet they still haven't arrived....Ugh I don't know what to do...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
hmmmmm.....
...So...Idk wat to say...i haven't blogged on here in forever so now I don't really know what to write about.lol....Well, London was awesome! and let me tell you a little fun fact- they do not breed 'em ugly in London! for real. there are absolutely no ugly guys. I mean zero ugly guys. I almost cried when we went in this burger place. woo! you should've seen the hot waiters there. The one that served us was the most gorgeous, and now I only wish I'd asked to take a picture with him. Now we'll prolly never see them again so...sad sad sad...I also met two guys at the New year's eve party! Bradley and Michael. Oh and Ariel met a guy too- Parker! But Bradley is the one I'm interested in and am still talking to. He lives in Cleveland Tennessee and is in the Walker Valley High School Band ( they marched in the parade too)! It was so much fun!! I don't know what happened but somehow in London I magically managed to get over the guy that I've been sort of obsessing over since sixth grade.lol...so yay me! lol... It was really nice to be there and not here where theres all this stress and drama.
You know I've realized I don't even really care about the drama any more. Now it just makes me laugh.lol...seriously it does. cause it all just seems so pointless and pathetic now.lol.
I don't really know who I like anymore. I mean as in guys....Bradley and I never seem to have anything to talk about even though we seem to have buttloads of stuff in common, and the one guy I've really liked since London is interested in someone else. Now I really begin to understand that Taylor Swift song. You know the one that says " You belong with me". That one. Cause that's how I feel right now.
So confuseled.lol.
You know I've realized I don't even really care about the drama any more. Now it just makes me laugh.lol...seriously it does. cause it all just seems so pointless and pathetic now.lol.
I don't really know who I like anymore. I mean as in guys....Bradley and I never seem to have anything to talk about even though we seem to have buttloads of stuff in common, and the one guy I've really liked since London is interested in someone else. Now I really begin to understand that Taylor Swift song. You know the one that says " You belong with me". That one. Cause that's how I feel right now.
So confuseled.lol.
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