Sick of this

Agh.....Life in general is so exhausting. There's so many choices and I never know which ones to make. And all this betrayal is getting really old. I'm beginning to run out of friends. Well I didn't have but a few to start with so that's pretty bad. I'm so sick of my "friends" jumping me for apparently not being a good friend when there's not a moment when they aren't turning on me.
I know that I haven't always been the best friend. I've always been sorry for that and have tried to change repeatedly. Most recently out of my stupidity I really hurt one of my friends by some very wrong accusations I made. I'm definitely sorry for that and I hate myself for it and repeatedly hope that she can forgive me.
But then right when I try to change I mess up again.
It doesn't really help though when my "friends" turn on me when I'm trying the hardest to be a better person. I blog on here to vent my issues. So some of my "friends" decided to read it and get mad. Then they decided to vent all about me in their blog and said not to hold it against them because it's just a blog when they turned around and held mine against me.
I've done some pretty crappy stuff in the past and I definitely am not proud of it, but it's the past so I'm trying to move on. Then my "friend" decides to throw it in my face and say that I apparently accuse her of bad stuff she does when I've "done way worse stuff in my past". She has no right to judge me for that. I do not accuse her for what she does wrong ever.
Then when I got into it with some people on the philadelphia trip she decides to stick up for Erin instead of me. If I'd been in her position I would have done the exact opposite. When Erin supposedly got "uberpissed" I would have told her that she had no right to be pissed when she was the one who started all that in the first place and that Autumn shouldn't have got mad at Mariah without knowing the whole story but it wasn't your place to tell him some rumors.

But no even now when we talk about it apparently Erin is the truly righteous one. Give me a break. Really??? She wonders why I said I feel friendless...well here's the prime example.
People are really starting to get old. You know what? Life is getting old.

What is there to be happy about? Most friends are traitors. Racism is everywhere. Being mixed means I get hated double as much as everyone else. Hate is everywhere. Even family can't be trusted. They hate you as much as everyone else. No matter how much or where you run you can't escape.
You know what I just don't care anymore. I'm sick of the world and almost everyone in it.
And if someone reads this and goes on about this being one of my "pity me" things they can kiss my ass and shut the hell up because they have "pity me" moments all the time.

Some people say I have a dark side. I definitely don't deny that. But I guarantee them that they've never seen it and they should be thankful for that. If they ever do they'll wish they hadn't.