Flashback

Ever just sat and looked at a photo and thought of all those happy memories? Well, that's what I've been doing this evening. I came across one a few months ago that was taken about 3 years ago. Every now and then I pull it out and look at it and just remember how happy I was then. What happened to that? I'm not going on a pity rant about how my life is so terrible, I mean I'm still happy just not as much as then. That photo from that summer makes me remember the really good thing that I had, and all the good times we had together. But it also brings back the thoughts of how horribly I ruined things. I just don't understand why I was so stupid. Why couldn't I see that what I had was amazing and that nothing else mattered?

The only upside is that I learned a lot from that decision, and it gave me the opportunity to make more mistakes and learn from them as well. I feel like I've grown a lot as a person since then, and I've learned how to better appreciate a good thing when I have it.

Now the obstacle is getting back what I lost. God keeps throwing it back in my life, so there must be a good reason for it. I guess the time I've spent on it so far will make me value it more when I get it back, if I get it back...hopefully....

I'm not really sure what else to do. I've been praying about it for months, and I'm getting some answers. I'm just not really sure what's going on or what's about to happen, if that makes any sense.

I guess I'll just continue praying and trust that if it's in God's plan for me, it will happen.

Life these days

So, a lot has happened recently. Good news:I've made quite a few major decisions that I am very happy with. Bad news: I'm starting to question one of those decisions.

I've been praying more lately and that has been providing quite a few answers so I guess I'll continue with it and hope I figure this out.

School is going fairly well other than Spanish 3. Yuck. All my other classes are great, and I have an A in them all...except for Spanish 3.

We still haven't found a new church. Mom swears we're going to Faith Promise one day, but I don't know.

Guy issues are steadily getting better. I hope it turns out well. I'm really happy with how I think it will.

Life is going fairly well other than that, so I'm just gonna keep praying and trust God.

Thought Train

Thank God for this new year. Last year was definitely not my best year. It was the most stressful year of my life so far. Applications. Senior Stuff. Classwork. More Applications. Waaay too many essays....Now all that's left is waiting, and even more stress. Seems all my work kinda payed off though: I had an interview with Dartmouth a couple of weeks ago, and an interview with Harvard this past Sunday. Yay!!! I also just turned in my Bridge Scholarship paperwork and I'm praying that I get in.
I'm going to miss a few people.
I'm not as stressed over guy stuff this year, but still pretty stressed. I'm not really waiting on him, but I'm not not waiting either. I've just been trying not to worry too much. I'm still super confused of course, but I've just gotta trust that God will work things out.
For some reason I've really gotten into Indie music lately. If you haven't listened to any you should really check it out. My favorite artists are Bon Iver and the Fleet Foxes. Just seems to fit my mood.
Band trip to Disney is this spring break. Kind of excited. I'd rather go to Romania...lol
The Mean Kitty Song on youtube has totally made my day. Watch it.
I'm trying to find a new church. I have no idea where to go. I'd rather not go back to my previous churches, but I'm not sure where else I should go. Besides that, for some reason work has decided to make me come in at 9 every Sunday...? I don't get it.
Whoever said this year wouldn't be stressful is wrong. I spend entirely too much time trying not to care.

I am so tired.

I've decided...kinda

Decisions Decisions...
Well, even though I really hate having to make them, I have made some decisions.
I definitely want to go to Vanderbilt for college. I feel like its the right school for me, so everyone please be praying I get in. I'm still not sure what I want to major in, but I'll figure it out eventually.
I will not take anyones crap from now on. Look, I am who I am. No, I am not a lesbian. No, I do not look like a guy. Yes, I am weird, crazy, and a nerd. If you have a problem then deal with it.
I am so over all the drama. Do not bring that crap around me anymore.
I always seem to be having guy trouble, and I'm still having it now. I've definitely made a decision about it too, but it's complicated.
I am tired of coming home after a crappy day just to hear that my mom has created something else to blame me for. For example, she locked the door as she went out. I stayed in the chair the whole time, but when she came back and was locked out she decided that I had got up and locked her out. She chewed me out. Ridiculous.
I am going to Romania at some point. I will live there, start over, and be happy(hopefully).
Gosh, life is sooo complicated. I keep praying for answers, and the answers I'm getting are very clear. But I don't want to tell someone what they are. But if I did this would all be so much simpler....haha that makes sense to me, but I doubt it will to anyone else...oh well.

Love?

I don't understand how some girls "fall in love" so easily.
On saturday they start dating someone new, and by sunday night they are "in love" with that guy. It's ridiculous. Then the next week they break up and find another guy, and are officially "in love" again. I just don't get it. Real love doesn't form over night. It takes time and really getting to know that person. And it is not something you forget when the next guy comes along.

Remember Me

Even now as she gives him little hints he pretends not to care. If only she could see into his mind and know why he's doing this and what he really thinks of her. She used to call him an open book, but now he's so guarded around her. She hates it. Hates herself, because its all her fault that he doesn't remember her.

FML

Saturday at the competition a guy from another band kept calling me a guy until someone told him I'm not. That sucks. How do I look like a guy? I did not think I looked that awful, but I guess so... Whats even suckier is that two of my friends were sitting right there and said nothing. Well actually they cracked up. They laughed so hard they cried. I cried too.
But you know what always makes things better?

http://www.fmylife.com/