The fall of my summer

So, I haven't posted anything in a while because my computer is gay and wouldn't let me.lol...but anyways, a lot has happened...
Well I went to the beach with Ariel and we had an absolute blast. It was totally amazing. We went with her dad, his wife deon, her kids, and these people they know who brought their two grandsons: Dalton and Cody. Well, I thought Dalton was cute from the very start, just very shy.lol. So we started playin around a lot and just having a blast, and once we got home we decided to stay in touch and take it to the next step: a relationship....Well, on the beach trip I had an amazing time with him, but now I stay pretty confused because sometimes he acts like he doesn't really want to hang out with me. I just don't get why....Then again other times he's totally different...idk...maybe I'm just being paranoid...Just wish we could spend more time together...So the beach was one of the best weeks of my life. You know one of those times you wish could last forever, but it didn't. Now I'm back here in the sucky reality that is my life.
Mom hasn't changed a bit. From the moment I got home she gave me a hard time. I never do anything right or good enough for her. I'm just worthless and good-for-nothing. Now she's starting to act like she just doesn't care what I do in general. I don't really get grounded anymore, I go places and she doesn't even ask where...The only recent sign I've had that she cares was the other day when she accused me of being pregnant; which is pretty impossible....The people at work don't help much.They're always yelling at us for things we didn't do, or describing how what we did isn't good enough...Plus band camp is coming up which is just stressful to think about, and senior year of course...I still have no idea what to do afterwards....I'm about to be an adult, and I have no idea what kind of adult I want to be. wow that sounds pathetic........ugh.....And my only escape is a person who's always so distant, I wonder if he ever really hears what I'm saying to him......

Sweeney Todd!!!!!!!

Yay!!! I found a great Sweeney Todd website.lol....
http://www.sweeneytoddmovie.com/

Romeo?

....hmm....Have you ever just sat and listened to a song. I mean like with no distractions and nothing else going on...just listened and thought. I haven't done that in a long time and today I have...Its made me think about a lot of things in my life. Don't laugh either because I know its cheesy but I'm listening to Secondhand Serenade. He's actually a lot better than one would think. His songs have actually hit a lot deeper than I could have ever thought...They make me think about all the things I wish I had , the things I wish I'd done, and the guy I wish I could find...You see, I've always dreamed of finding this perfectly amazing guy and never settling for anything less. It made me feel better and reassured me that I will when my friends didn't have anyone either, but now they've pretty much found those guys. It kind of sucks. Now I feel like even more of a loser/loner than ever.Yes I know it sounds dumb because I'm only 16 but it makes me a little sad . Sort of like we're at the prom and I'm the one left standing against the wall thats not good enough to be asked to dance and they're all out twirling around the floor with the guys of their dreams.....

Grrr....

well well well....My life has become a dull parade of nothingness...It feels as though I'm running in circles or walking through a maze with no escape.....so many choices are being thrown at me so rapidly that I have no time to even think about them, much less decide what direction to take...College? Career? Church? Home? ..... Its becoming overwhelming....I keep praying for the answers that I probably already know yet they still haven't arrived....Ugh I don't know what to do...

hmmmmm.....

...So...Idk wat to say...i haven't blogged on here in forever so now I don't really know what to write about.lol....Well, London was awesome! and let me tell you a little fun fact- they do not breed 'em ugly in London! for real. there are absolutely no ugly guys. I mean zero ugly guys. I almost cried when we went in this burger place. woo! you should've seen the hot waiters there. The one that served us was the most gorgeous, and now I only wish I'd asked to take a picture with him. Now we'll prolly never see them again so...sad sad sad...I also met two guys at the New year's eve party! Bradley and Michael. Oh and Ariel met a guy too- Parker! But Bradley is the one I'm interested in and am still talking to. He lives in Cleveland Tennessee and is in the Walker Valley High School Band ( they marched in the parade too)! It was so much fun!! I don't know what happened but somehow in London I magically managed to get over the guy that I've been sort of obsessing over since sixth grade.lol...so yay me! lol... It was really nice to be there and not here where theres all this stress and drama.
You know I've realized I don't even really care about the drama any more. Now it just makes me laugh.lol...seriously it does. cause it all just seems so pointless and pathetic now.lol.
I don't really know who I like anymore. I mean as in guys....Bradley and I never seem to have anything to talk about even though we seem to have buttloads of stuff in common, and the one guy I've really liked since London is interested in someone else. Now I really begin to understand that Taylor Swift song. You know the one that says " You belong with me". That one. Cause that's how I feel right now.
So confuseled.lol.

Idiotic guys.lol

Okay.....so I've officially decided that guys are idiots....I was talking to one recently and he turned out to be a jerk so now I've been trying to ignore and avoid him, but he just wont go away....ugh.....He is now officially stalking me and its getting ridiculous....He hangs around outside and in all my classes and talks to all my friends and everyone else except for me....And now on his face book he has crap up about being in love with me and telling people that they should find me on face book and tell me to forgive him (which isn't going to happen)....This is just ridiculous....Okay and now I've found out that he's telling people that we're still dating/in a relationship, and I am so sick of it! He also has put it on his myspace apparently that he is about to be engaged to me or something like that. So now he's stalking me and spreading stuff about me ugh. And now his friends watch me, and follow me around and talk about me!!!
I will never ever forgive him or speak to him again. I literally have not spoken a word to him in over 2 months, yet all of this is still going on! He is such a jerk!
When we were talking I let him go for a lot of reasons. Like he threatened me and my friends saying he had stuff on them that he would tell people about, and he threatened to have this girl T.j. beat me and he threatened to have his guy friends beat me...and he's still going on with that and she doesn't even know about it....And he spent the night at other girls' houses while we were dating, and yes he openly admits to that, he even told me about it in an email trying to get me to forgive him!!! He was always constantly "reminding me" that he thought he could get any other girl if he wanted, and that he constantly thought about/ was tempted to cheat on me!!! Then he wants me to forgive him!!!He thinks everybody likes him and is so full of himself. In reality though whenever he leaves my homeroom all his "friends" talk about him and say how weird he is!!! So this is so ridiculous!!! ugh anyways he totally is still stalking me and just came in here sot I totally have to go...I may or may not continue ranting later.lol...welll bye for now....and please pray for me....I want this all to end , and would like it to not involve me going to prison for murder one. lol......okay...bye bye...lol.....

A Dream.

Flooded with pain,
Filled with despair.
Depression owns
Her now lost cares.
Forever searching,
For the one.
The one who will be,
Her setting sun.
The one who hears,
Her desperate pleas.
The one who shares,
Her deepest needs.
The one who bleeds,
When hers runs dry.
The one who sees,
Through all her lies.
Who shares the mask,
Of cheerful smiles.
Who sits in darkness,
All the while.
Who holds her hand,
While she hurts most.
Who feels the pain,
In all her boasts.
Who lies with her,
In midnight seas.
Who swears that
He will never leave.