Still Dreaming

omgeez....I keep on telling people that i'm not sure what i want to be in the future or that im debating between a few possibilities, but they keep on asking. The truth is I know exactly wat i want to be/ what i want to do. I want to be a professional cellist. I always have and I always will. The sad thing is that it currently doesnt seem to be possible because of money problems we just cant afford it and it really hurts me.
So I try and try to get over it and move on but every time a listen to a cellist play it comes back again. That feeling that that is what im meant to do.
If I could continue playing it would be perfect. I could travel the world and play. My two dreams combined. Its rather depressing that it didnt work out. I guess I'm just going to have to do whatever it takes no matter what to get there.

Finally Free

wow...

Lately I've made a lot of big decisions regarding my life that I thought I'd regret, but I actually don't. I'm doing fairly well right now. My emotional state hasn't exactly changed, but I guess I try not to think about all things depressing too much anymore. I've met some new people at my church and they're definitely assisting in going on day by day.

I've decided that in two years when I turn eighteen I'm definitely getting out of here. I don't currently have anyone to hold me back so unless that changes I'll be gone. I'm not sure where exactly I'll go. Used to I would have said Princeton but now I'm not really set on what exactly life holds for me after high school . I just know that I'm always going to be traveling all over the world. I don't think I'll ever stay in one place for very long. A year at most. Unless something dramatic happens that ties me down to a place.

I used to always be looking for a boyfriend or wish that I had one, but now I've realized that I really don't need one. I'm not looking for one at all anymore. I don't want to be like these girls that settle down with their high school sweethearts and stay in Tennessee all their lives. I don't want to have someone to hold me back. I want to go everywhere and experience everything I can. So that way when I get old and am nearing death I can say that I've truly lived life to the fullest.

I might date occassionally but I'm not looking for anyone or planning on settling down unless God just straight up throws someone at me; right in my face; like an undeniable sign. And if he does they better be able to keep up with me...lol...My honest opinion is that women don't really need men for anything. We're very capable all on our own.

I think through all my recent and past experiences I've discovered something to truly look forward to and be happy about, and that's living.

Just experiencing all you can while you can.